Merry Christmas

I salute you my friend.

There is nothing I can give you which you have not;

but there is much that, while I cannot give, you can take.

No heaven can come to us unless our hearts find rest in it today.

Take heaven.

No peace lies in the future which is not hidden in this present instant.  

Take peace.

The gloom of this world is but a shadow; behind it, yet within our reach, is joy.

Take joy.

And so at this holiday time, I greet you, with the prayer that for you now and forever,

the day breaks and the shadows flee away.

Fra Giovanni, 1513

Merry Christmas to you all!  Love from us.

winter in Minnesota

We made it, and we're so relieved!  After a gruelling drive through blizzard white-outs on icy roads littered with spun-out cars, we arrived safely in Austin Saturday evening.  Owen cried from Mt. Pleasant, Iowa (noon) to St. Ansgar, Iowa (6:30--although that's normally a 2 1/2 hour drive) whereupon he fell asleep for the last 25 miles.  Ellie worked hard at being patient, but I think all of our nerves were shot by the time we pulled into my parents' house.   We pulled in to find parents relieved not to be pacing anymore and a warm dinner spread.  Ellie and Owen leapt to life, we sipped our hot toddies and our hot curry soup and resolved to fly next year.  

It's absolutely breathtaking here.  The snow is sparkling in the sun, the trees are frosted -- Ellie and Owen are entranced.  It is a shock to the system to go from 70 degrees (21 celsius) to - 11 (-17 celsius), but the cold adds to the feeling of being cozy at Grandma and Grandpa's house.  The family is starting to gather . . . Emily and the girls arrive today with Auntie Cassie, who just flew in from Tanzania.  Coming tomorrow is our Tanzanian family -- Conrad and Upendo Kwayu with their new son, Quincy, and Anna Kwayu, Conrad's sister.  It's feeling like Christmas.  Next week we'll have our Willemsen Christmas in Pella, Iowa.  More soon!  

yawn

Here's Ellie at her Christmas pageant, showing a little Christmas fatigue. Hope you are all able to rest enough to enjoy the season--love from all of us.

Christmas is coming

And here are a few more of a small Christmas for the four of us as well as Ellie in her Christmas pageant (sorry it's fuzzy--no flash allowed). Notice that despite all my efforts at finding simple, educational and lasting Christmas gifts for Ellie, the Ariel DVD is clearly the winner. Wishing you the best!

thanksgiving

We're leaving balmy Memphis (70 degrees!) this afternoon to head to a very snowy Minnesota but I thought I'd post a few photos before we leave with the intention of writing more once we're safely in Austin. Here are some shots from Thanksgiving, when we were able to enjoy both sets of grandparents. We've always thought my dad (Grandpa Bobby) and Owen look alike, but it appears that they have similar looks while zoning out as well. Cheers!

Leaving fall

We've a lot to catch up on. Fall has come and gone, taking our leaves and our friends. Our good friends Sara, Javier and Alex moved to Raleigh but not before they spent a little time with us. Alex and Sara even got to live with us for a short time, so Alex got his last Ernie bike fix and was even able to borrow Ellie's princess dress. Here are a few snaps from this fall.

even more catching up with pictures

Finally--here are a few pictures, most from our quick jaunt up to see grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles in Austin, Minnesota this September. Because I can never get my pictures to post in an orderly fashion, just scroll down to see them all and don't miss the video of Owen laughing under the post "catching up". Love to you all!

more catching up with pictures

catching up with pictures

Happy, peaceful kiddos. Cheers everyone!

Catching up

Hey everyone, it's been a long time. We have been climbing out of the shock of having two children ever so slowly, but things are becoming more manageable day by day. As Owen still only catnaps, the few minutes I have sans kiddos are mostly devoted to eating, bathing and cleaning up (in that order). Any time Owen is content or napping while Ellie's around, I'm working on giving her some attention, which she soaks up like a sponge having had it drop off so radically the past half a year. Ellie's learning to be a big sister and is off and on excited and annoyed by it all. She loves her friends (new and old), school, books and gymnastics classes. Owen has rolled over, is laughing, loves to be close to his mama and is just generally a delight. Ryan is working like crazy and coming home late but doing his best to engage the kiddos the few hours in the week he has with them while really catching up on the weekends. Walking by boxes unopened and empty walls is starting to get to me, so one of these days our house will get the attention it deserves, but until then we're getting the hang of it here. We have two healthy, usually happy, beautiful kiddos and we are grateful.
I know not everyone reading this blog shares my political views and so I write cautiously and respectfully, but I have to share that the election of Obama has greatly enlivened my attitude towards the future of our country, the world and has somehow given me hope that living in Germantown, Tennessee will be okay for our family. This is a relief, as the transition to living in a community in which the dominant values expressed are often at odds with mine has caused a lot of worry, angst, regret and just tears. It's tiresome to be so self-aware. Yesterday and just again this morning folks have commented to me that I was "such an interesting person". (These comments arising after learning I was nursing and then that I'd been to Africa.) Hmmmm --when things are going well I can take that in a positive way, but I often remember that in the midwest, "interesting" and "different" are often euphemisms for things we're not sure about and probably don't like. While I can't be certain that's what that means down here, I'm conscious of being somehow different and have been doing a lot of laying low, even compromising with how I present myself. (I put the Obama bumpersticker on my car, but we didn't put a yard sign.) I still wonder how much conforming (shopping, primping, keeping up with the Joneses) will creep into our lives here despite our best efforts, but with Obama's election I'm keeping my chin just a little higher. Those who have known me for years know of the irony that I'm a "corporate wife" and a stay at home mom living in the suburbs. And while I wholeheartedly embrace being a mom and being married and can make peace with the suburban part, I don't want to be defined solely by those labels. This election is an affirmation that there are kindred spirits in all corners of this country (even Germantown!), that there are people who are passionate about progress, proof that so many who struggled before us have not done so in vain. More personally, it gives me hope for Ellie and Owen's futures and makes me feel that, even in Germantown and Memphis, there is momentum towards change that our family can be a part of and work to affect. That makes me joyful, makes us all joyful. Just look at Owen laughing! And for those of you who know Ryan's dad Dave, can you believe how similar this laugh is?

wow

There's a stillness to this day, a sort of intake of breath as we wonder at all that has happened with this election coming to pass. As Ellie and Owen sleep in our unlikely home in Germantown, Tennessee, I can do nothing but turn this over in my mind, feel gratitude and wonder that our country has reclaimed itself with such an act. There is much left to do, more that will play out, but I am certain that this changes so much for the world that my children will inherit.

Here's what Charles Blow, a NYTimes writer, says:
History will record this as the night the souls of black folk, living and dead, wept – and laughed, screamed and danced – releasing 400 years of pent up emotion.

They were the souls of those whose bodies littered the bottom of the Atlantic, whose families were torn asunder, whose names were erased.

They were those who knew the terror of being set upon by men with clubs, of being trapped in a torched house, of dangling at the end of a rough rope.

They were the souls of those who knew the humiliation of another person’s spit trailing down their faces, of being treated like children well into their twilight years, of being derided and despised for the beauty God gave them.

They were also the tears of those for whom “Yes We Can, ” Obama’s campaign slogan, took on a broader, more profound meaning.

“Yes We Can” escape the prison of lowered expectations and the cycles of poor choices. “Yes We Can” rise above history and beyond hatred. “Yes We Can” ascend to Martin Luther King’s mountain top and see the promised land where dreams are fulfilled, where the best man wins and where justice prevails.

During this election African-Americans, their hearts weary from disappointment, dared to hope and dream again. Tonight their dream has been realized.

Whether or not you agree with Barack Obama’s politics, there is no denying that his election represents a seminal moment in the African-American narrative and a giant leap forward on the road to America’s racial reconciliation.

In fact everyone, regardless of race, should feel free to shed a tear and be proud of how far our country has come.

With love, hope, relief, joy and renewed faith--Laura

Stacey and Ben visit

We've had a great weekend with Auntie Stacey and Uncle Ben. Lots of playing, lots of hanging out on the porch in the nice weather and enjoying the olympics. We'll miss them when they go back to DC today, especially Ellie who has loved the attention. Ellie starts her new school tomorrow and we're all excited about the promise of a new routine to help us further along the path to being settled. Cheers!

germantown and owen's dream

So I had a crisis a couple of Fridays ago when I went to the park and was iced out by a bunch of glitzy glam-mamas looking as if they've just come from the salon of really big hair, heavily accessorized by Coach and Vuitton (and one actually wearing spiky Prada heels), their children decked out in smocked linen with an overabundance of matching bows in their hair--again we're at the park at 9:30 am on a Friday, stepping over goose poop as we watch our children play. Before happening upon the fashion show, I was happy just to have made sure that I had nursing pads on so I wouldn't be leaking too obviously, pleased with myself that I had my cutest post-partum outfit on (yes, everything still needs to have elastic waist bands so there are only about 3 outfits in rotation now anyway). Owen was in the sling, Ellie in her utterly mismatched outfit that she'd picked out herself, her cutie hair that is just now coming in in the front completely unable to hold one of those ubiquitous gigantic bows anyway. After pulling up, we got the once over and then a very obvious turning away without even a hello. Ouch. Who are these people anyway, aren't I the normal one here, what in the world am I doing living here, how did this happen, will my children suffer here if they don't conform a little and how can I let them conform to this at all and will it ever be okay? In perfect seventh grade fashion, I actually started crying a little as Ellie and I shuffled away from the play structure towards the swings that were a little more secluded, me hoping that the feeling of having been rejected from the cool girls (who I was certain I wouldn't like to hang out with anyway--but that's never the point, is it?) and more importantly my despair with our current cultural milieu wasn't being picked up on by Ellie. That was Germantown on a bad day. I missed Minnesota and Maastricht in a way that I could physically feel in my stomach. I should note that I must have happened upon some kind of gathering (although I heard them introducing themselves to each other, so . . . )--those extremes aren't normal.

Two days later--on our 5th wedding anniversary--Ryan, Ellie, Owen and I went to the part of Germantown that called our names from Maastricht. We took a long walk on the greenway alongside the Wolf River, kudzu vines hanging overhead, using the double stroller, saw some cool looking people and loved being out and about. And to top that weekend off, Ryan put together the long awaited Pancake bike, shipped from Maastricht, and Ellie and I felt like we had our old selves back again. (Except that even though the streets are relatively safe, one still must wear a helmet around here--no fancy bike lanes like in Maastricht. As evidenced above, I have to be hopelessly unfashionable anyway.) That's Germantown on a good day. So yes, these days go back and forth for me--sometimes within the hour.

One final note in honor of World Breastfeeding Week, which was last week and exuberantly celebrated by Owen--Owen's quite fond of gazing longingly at our light fixtures. While the picture I've included doesn't do it justice, they all look like breasts--to Owen they are the giant glowing breasts in the sky, his dream. As our friend Pål wrote from Sweden, this fascination is something he may not outgrow.

Peace to you all--whether you're in Germantown or Germany. Oh--and check out Owen's shirt!

big sista dance

Here's a wee video of Auntie Cassie and Ellie doing the "big sister dance". It's Cassie's birthday tomorrow so this is in her honor. Happy Birthday to my little sister with the moves!

big sister party girl

Hey all. We're doing well having just enjoyed a nice long weekend (Ryan was able to work from home on Friday so I could catch up on rest) and gearing up for the long week ahead. Except for a couple good eggs, most of our Memphis friends have fled the heat (yesterday we reached 109!!) for fairer climes and so we're stuck inside not knowing too many folks, doing a little bit of thumb twiddling and diaper changing until the weather breaks and we can bring the wee baby out more. It reminds me of the insanely windy, stroller and bike blowing over days in Maastricht that kept us homebound--just another weather extreme and this time the babe is on the outside and a bit less able to regulate his temperature. Sweet Auntie Cass sent these pictures of Ellie's Big Sister Party!! that was held a couple weeks ago now. Last year Ellie picked blueberry cake for her party--as you can see she's moved on to chocolate. She also recently asked me why Memphis doesn't have the chocolate, cheese and croissants she used to have in Maastricht . . . seems we have a little foodie on our hands. But at least she has good taste. And she is indeed a great big sister.
Cheers!

weekend of four

After a weekend with only us four at home, we find we are actually settling in to being this new family. And despite a few flashes of jealousy/anger about having to be patient with a slower pace and less attention, Ellie's getting used to and liking being a big sister. We get lots of "help" from Ellie but Owen seems fine with it, so I suppose we are too. Cheers!

home alone in Memphis

After a great morning at the Children's Museum of Memphis and lunch at Cafe Eclectic, Grandma Diane has just left, the kiddos are both asleep, and I'm left fighting my own nap wondering and worrying at the emptiness of this house in Germantown, Tennessee. So here we are--Owen is born safely, the company that we've been enjoying has headed out and it's really hit me that now we live in Memphis. Certainly we knew we were moving to Memphis, but this afternoon there is a new tangibility to it all. So I guess here we go--we'll find the best and make the best of Memphis while figuring out how to be a family of four. And while it isn't so interesting a place as Maastricht, we still like visitors. Love to all.

Home with 2 kids--and help

A week into Owen being home now and we just got back from our first "normal" outing to the bookstore and grocery store and I'm wondering how everything will happen with two kids. We had Grandma Diane and Auntie Cass (all the way from Tanzania!) helping the whole way and it was still a circus of slinging and strapping Owen, chasing shopping carts, dribbling milk, lots of trips to the bathroom (Ellie), struggling with grocery bags and dodging cars in parking lots. I have no idea how people have more than two children and leave their homes. Really. And I have very little idea how we'll manage this when suddenly we will only have my two hands rather than the six on hand today. Yikes! Too bad we can't convince more family members to just come and move to Memphis . . .
But, logistics aside, all is well. Ellie is a fabulous big sister who likes to lend a hand and dote on Owen. Owen is a mellow babe who likes to nurse and sleep--we keep thinking one day he's going to wake up and let us know that the first week was a joke and he's actually not so thrilled about all this, but so far he seems content. We're especially stoked that when he wakes up in the middle of the night he passes out again right after a little milk buzz. Ryan's back at work catching up and I am, as I've just written, trying to figure out how all this will work out while being optimistic that it will.
So cheers to you all and an extra dose of respect and admiration for any of you with more than one child! Love from us.

So he's finally here . . . a short birth story

Well everyone, I won't take too too much time as I don't know how long I have with two sleeping kiddos (wow!!), but as you can see from the pictures we're doing well. So here's an abbreviated version of the birth for those interested--if you're not then feel free to skip blog entry and read the ones to come. The Dutch midwives had told me that I would have a very short labor--they predicted 4 hours tops--and that I would do it naturally. I hoped they were right, but was skeptical nonetheless especially given all the changes we've had in our lives the past few months. But it seems the Dutch midwives are also prophets, as things progressed exactly as they'd assured me. Owen came really quickly on Monday--at 4 pm I was wondering if perhaps I was finally in labor and by the time I had called Ryan and he arrived home around 5pm the contractions were only 2 minutes apart and very intense, and Owen took his first breath at 8:01. Backing up--after a long day of running errands (nesting) at 4:30 I was still at Costco, hiding out in the women's bathroom, deciding I was definitely in labor and a little afraid to get to the car in case my water broke between the bathroom and the parking lot when my sister Emily called and I whispered "I'm in labor, I'm in the Costco bathroom". She instructed me rightly to hang up, call Ryan and have Gloria (Ryan's mom) get me home immediately. We checked out our gigantic bottle of maple syrup and organic animal crackers and we were on our way. Once Ryan and I met at home around 5 I jumped in the shower to make sure that this was really labor--afraid if we hopped in the car to head to the hospital it would stall. Needless to say, there was no stalling and it was difficult to breathe through them alone. So we squeezed big sister Ellie and left her in the capable hands of her Grandma and Grandpa Willemsen (thank goodness they decided to come down early!) and headed to the hospital where the maternity receptionist asked in a slightly bored voice without looking at me what time my induction was scheduled for--she certainly got down to business when she heard me trying to breathe through a contraction and soon they hustled me back to a room. We had a great birthing experience. I couldn't have done it without Ryan and the doula Melissa (who said that Ryan "rocked"--he did) keeping me at least a little bit sane and focused and calm through the hardest contractions/transition and a hands-off nurse who let us do what we needed to get him here without interfering too much with monitors, needles and the like. I was able to shower through transition which provided a lot of relief. I didn't think I could go on much more (i.e. feeling like it was going too fast and too intensely, I was begging for drugs) when I felt like I was ready to push and, hobbling out of the shower, my water broke and I was ready to have the baby. The doctor barely made it (despite the nurses' requests, I started pushing after my water broke while the doctor was still racing there), but it was a good thing she arrived when she did as Owen had inhaled some meconium and his lungs needed suctioning before he could be fully born. I think we were all a little surprised at how quickly things moved, but very soon things calmed down and Owen was able to nurse and cuddle up, the two things he hasn't stopped doing since his birth, and we we/still are awash in gratitude. More to come soon about how Ellie is doing, how our first week has been, etc. but in the meantime here's a picture of Ellie reading to Owen. We love/miss y'all!

Owen comes home

Here are a few of us at home. Grandma Diane is holding Owen on the porch. Ellie has been nursing all her various babies while I nurse Owen. We're all settling in quite well.

Owen at the hospital

Ellie likes being a big sister. Grandma and Grandpa Willemsen came and took good care of all of us before and after Owen came.