Joining or not and leisure in cold weather

I was just writing to a friend about the difficulty of finding close friendships somewhere when you know you'll only be a year. While the 12-18 month stint in Memphis turned out to be just shy of 12, we found it easy to make friends. We found friends of friends from other places, neighbor friends and also friends from La Leche League, which is a group of super cool women trying to raise children in a mindful kind of way. We were lucky. In Memphis, at least with LLL, I was a joiner. We've been lucky here, too, but people keep moving away one by one, like we will one day, and we're stuck wondering how much effort to put forth, which people probably wonder about us also. I helped out (very peripherally) with Ellie's school Halloween party and met a whole bunch of neat people from around the world, her school being an international school. But then there's always the sizing up of each other's friendship-ability that always asks first, "how long will you be here?" People have been very welcoming to me and have encouraged me to join various groups around here, some for mothers, some for parents, some religiously orientated. As I decide how much of myself to put forth, given the year we'll be here and how many visitors we'll be receiving over this year, I start to get the feeling that I'm not a huge joiner. Part of the value of LLL in Memphis was, given how the city's overall culture was extraordinarily conservative, that it attracted like-minded women/kiddos who were passionate yet non-judgmental, offering alternatives to not uncommon Memphian attitudes that included a dose of racism, etc. There's not much I see around here that I don't want to emulate, let alone want to resist. So perhaps it's the need for joining that's left me. In the meantime we're meeting our neighbors, slowly still, but nevertheless enjoying all those connections that seem to fall into place while hoping to keep alive those from other parts of our shared life.

It's a quiet season now as things chill around here. What's different from Minnesota winters is how it doesn't dry out (at least not yet) and the grass is still a vibrant green, the leaves holding onto their colors and their trees for so long. On Sunday after Kim flew for home, we took a few hours' long bike ride through the Dutch and Belgian countryside past half-harvested fields, pumpkin stands, orchards full of apples. We warmed up in a Belgian village cafe where every table was full and coffee and beer were flowing. Ellie had a waffle. Despite the chill in the air, the trails were full of bikers and hikers, the cafes' outdoor tables full of folks enjoying a rain-free Sunday. We realize that life is good, life is rich, and just for now, not very complicated, and we are so grateful. Holy leisure eludes us too much at home, and we are learning its value and wisdom. One friend who moved home to Minneapolis last month writes how hard it is to find that at home and I remember years of feeling I would never find a restful moment. So even as Ryan's project ramps up and he's often home late, we're taking in what the season holds, enjoying each other and the many gifts we've been given. Love to all and hopes for a rest filled advent.